Why I think I wont make it...

I know it's mainly my fault, but somehow I always find myself freaking out when things are almost here. i make notes, list, and stay up all night worrying about every last detail and think how I can get them done myself. I guess that is the #1 reason why I think I wont make it to my due date. I never in the past feared going into labor early, somehow with this one, I find myself fearing that the most. I think to myself, if I can just make it to 37 weeks Elliana should be fine. #2 reason is that I have found myself having more braxton hicks and if I am working around the house too they tend to actually get painful, but only on occasion. My midwife thinks the are pretty normal. #3 reason is this thing we call the sun....it's a killer, it's not so much the heat as it it the actual sun light. i always feel like i am going to pass out if I am in the sun too much. Then it just kills me the rest of the day. However the main reason I think I wont make it, is because of stress. Stress that my first born is going to school in a month and going to be gone more than 32 hours a week. It's going to be an adjustment that her and I both need to get used to. And stress over making sure we have every thing before the baby arrives, plus making sure both my other children are okay with everything...So to make myself feel slightly better I decided to make a list of things we need to do or get. Then I can cross them off as they happen and prayfully......I'll make it to August with no speed bumbs!

List of things we still need to get...

#1 Zachary's sunshine Kids radian xl car seat.
#2 Gabriella's sunshine kids radian xl car seat
(we can't come how from the hospital with out these car seats so they are my main source of concern. I hope to have them in our car and installed before August and before Rebecca moves away=( )
#3 a bath towel and some more wash rags for Elliana
#4 about 4-8 more uniform outfits for Gabby to wear to school. (got some past down to us form a friend that was a HUGE lifesaver, now we only need a few more outfits)
#5 little stuff for the baby.. wipes, more cute clothes, sleepers, and onesies
#6 princess lunch box and princess thermos cup for Gabby to take to school
#7 New or used combi Double stroller, or somehow fix and buy parts for the stroller we have before I shove it off a cliff.
#8 Thermometer that can take my kids temperature by touch of their forehead......but that is just a dream.  


Doesn't look so long and scary when I write it all down, yep maybe this will make me feel better!!

thanks for letting me vent and get all this off my chest, I think it makes me feel much more relaxed....I'm goign to try and tackle one at a time. This week maybe looking for more uniforms for Gabby

throwing away all the parenting books....not that I ever owned any...lol!!

once again I was more concerned about what others thought than what I felt was best for my family. I know so many people will disagree on my parenting, but really i need to not care. I hate parenting books, i hate when someone says at this age they "need" to do this or that. Each child is different and each parent and family is different. It's not my or my husbands parenting style to jsut take things away. I find no need to force my babies to do something that really is not harmful to them at all. We never let any of our kids "cry it out". we never just took things away "cold turkey" because someone else said it was good. My philosophy is to as Billy Dean says "let them be little, for they are only that way for awhile". Why are we as a society so eager to push our kids to grow up, and once they do we wish they were little again. I plan to enjoy ever second, weather crying or laughing, happy or sad, I plan on enjoying every moment of the cuddles even if they happen in the middle of the night until they are 2!! I don't meet anyone who says I wish my children grew up faster. Every mile stone is fun and exciting and should not be a challenge or a struggle....those are saved for the teen years!! for now I want to enjoy that I have a very independent 5 year old who didn't stop having a pacifier until she was 2 and wasn't potty trained until she was 3, and was rocked to sleep every night until she was 3(and I enjoyed every minute of it)...and who never went to preschool outside of the home ,but at 5 is an amazing, bright, and super excited and eager to start kindergarten. And i have a 20 month old who is a mama's boy for now that needs his bottle for a little longer, who has to cuddle with mom at night before bed. Because someday soon Zach will be an independent 5 year old going to school, and then someday a man. For now....he's still my baby boy, and that is the way we like it around here!! I have 2 arms...don't' worry I can hold Ellie and Zach at the same time....and you know what I'm learning that it's okay to do what we want and through the dumb parenting books out the door!!!!

my kiddos are growing...

So here's a small update on all my kiddos!!

Gabriella~ has officially turned 5 now and thinks that she is a big girl! She now has her ears pierced and we have created a monster!! she loves earrings and can't wait to be able to change them out everyday. We are slowly gearing up for school that starts in a month and a half. Who knew starting kindergarten would cost so much money...kids just get more expensive as they get older, but it's fun!!

Zachary~WOW...his world is about to get shaken up!! I feel so bad for the poor guy, but I guess he can't be a baby forever. As of yesterday Nathan and I have decided to completely take away all of his bottles. He only has one in the morning when he wakes up, sometimes for a nap, and when ge goes to sleep at night....so far it's been terrible. he keeps begging me for a bottle. I got him a new toy story cup with a softer spout and he loves the cup, but wont drink out of it...any advice would be great!!! Also in a few days we are taking him out of his crib and making him sleep in his toddler bed. we bought some toy story wall stickers to put around his bed, hoping that will help. As far a potty training goes, we are in NO rush. he loves to sit on the potty every time we go, but he has yet to actually pee or poo in the potty. the other day after bath he said potty potty, an d was able to hold it until i got a diaper on him, I guess I should have put him on the potty, but at least i know he's knows something. I do feel bad for him, but doing some of these transitions now will be easier than when Ellie arrives.

Elliana~well I am 31 weeks and thanks to Barb, had a wonderful ultrasound last night!!! Ellie is measuring perfectly at 31 weeks, and about 4lbs. so far I think she looks like Gabby, but all my kids really look the same so that is no surprise. I passed my glucose test with flying colors, and that is one less thing to stress about. now i am working on stressing over  getting the 2 more car seats we need, and organizing the car to make sure all is well. I think come July I may start my bag packing, and then just wait to Little Miss Ellie to arrive!!! cant' wait!!

everything else is going great!!!