Why I think I wont make it...

I know it's mainly my fault, but somehow I always find myself freaking out when things are almost here. i make notes, list, and stay up all night worrying about every last detail and think how I can get them done myself. I guess that is the #1 reason why I think I wont make it to my due date. I never in the past feared going into labor early, somehow with this one, I find myself fearing that the most. I think to myself, if I can just make it to 37 weeks Elliana should be fine. #2 reason is that I have found myself having more braxton hicks and if I am working around the house too they tend to actually get painful, but only on occasion. My midwife thinks the are pretty normal. #3 reason is this thing we call the sun....it's a killer, it's not so much the heat as it it the actual sun light. i always feel like i am going to pass out if I am in the sun too much. Then it just kills me the rest of the day. However the main reason I think I wont make it, is because of stress. Stress that my first born is going to school in a month and going to be gone more than 32 hours a week. It's going to be an adjustment that her and I both need to get used to. And stress over making sure we have every thing before the baby arrives, plus making sure both my other children are okay with everything...So to make myself feel slightly better I decided to make a list of things we need to do or get. Then I can cross them off as they happen and prayfully......I'll make it to August with no speed bumbs!

List of things we still need to get...

#1 Zachary's sunshine Kids radian xl car seat.
#2 Gabriella's sunshine kids radian xl car seat
(we can't come how from the hospital with out these car seats so they are my main source of concern. I hope to have them in our car and installed before August and before Rebecca moves away=( )
#3 a bath towel and some more wash rags for Elliana
#4 about 4-8 more uniform outfits for Gabby to wear to school. (got some past down to us form a friend that was a HUGE lifesaver, now we only need a few more outfits)
#5 little stuff for the baby.. wipes, more cute clothes, sleepers, and onesies
#6 princess lunch box and princess thermos cup for Gabby to take to school
#7 New or used combi Double stroller, or somehow fix and buy parts for the stroller we have before I shove it off a cliff.
#8 Thermometer that can take my kids temperature by touch of their forehead......but that is just a dream.  


Doesn't look so long and scary when I write it all down, yep maybe this will make me feel better!!

thanks for letting me vent and get all this off my chest, I think it makes me feel much more relaxed....I'm goign to try and tackle one at a time. This week maybe looking for more uniforms for Gabby

throwing away all the parenting books....not that I ever owned any...lol!!

once again I was more concerned about what others thought than what I felt was best for my family. I know so many people will disagree on my parenting, but really i need to not care. I hate parenting books, i hate when someone says at this age they "need" to do this or that. Each child is different and each parent and family is different. It's not my or my husbands parenting style to jsut take things away. I find no need to force my babies to do something that really is not harmful to them at all. We never let any of our kids "cry it out". we never just took things away "cold turkey" because someone else said it was good. My philosophy is to as Billy Dean says "let them be little, for they are only that way for awhile". Why are we as a society so eager to push our kids to grow up, and once they do we wish they were little again. I plan to enjoy ever second, weather crying or laughing, happy or sad, I plan on enjoying every moment of the cuddles even if they happen in the middle of the night until they are 2!! I don't meet anyone who says I wish my children grew up faster. Every mile stone is fun and exciting and should not be a challenge or a struggle....those are saved for the teen years!! for now I want to enjoy that I have a very independent 5 year old who didn't stop having a pacifier until she was 2 and wasn't potty trained until she was 3, and was rocked to sleep every night until she was 3(and I enjoyed every minute of it)...and who never went to preschool outside of the home ,but at 5 is an amazing, bright, and super excited and eager to start kindergarten. And i have a 20 month old who is a mama's boy for now that needs his bottle for a little longer, who has to cuddle with mom at night before bed. Because someday soon Zach will be an independent 5 year old going to school, and then someday a man. For now....he's still my baby boy, and that is the way we like it around here!! I have 2 arms...don't' worry I can hold Ellie and Zach at the same time....and you know what I'm learning that it's okay to do what we want and through the dumb parenting books out the door!!!!

my kiddos are growing...

So here's a small update on all my kiddos!!

Gabriella~ has officially turned 5 now and thinks that she is a big girl! She now has her ears pierced and we have created a monster!! she loves earrings and can't wait to be able to change them out everyday. We are slowly gearing up for school that starts in a month and a half. Who knew starting kindergarten would cost so much money...kids just get more expensive as they get older, but it's fun!!

Zachary~WOW...his world is about to get shaken up!! I feel so bad for the poor guy, but I guess he can't be a baby forever. As of yesterday Nathan and I have decided to completely take away all of his bottles. He only has one in the morning when he wakes up, sometimes for a nap, and when ge goes to sleep at night....so far it's been terrible. he keeps begging me for a bottle. I got him a new toy story cup with a softer spout and he loves the cup, but wont drink out of it...any advice would be great!!! Also in a few days we are taking him out of his crib and making him sleep in his toddler bed. we bought some toy story wall stickers to put around his bed, hoping that will help. As far a potty training goes, we are in NO rush. he loves to sit on the potty every time we go, but he has yet to actually pee or poo in the potty. the other day after bath he said potty potty, an d was able to hold it until i got a diaper on him, I guess I should have put him on the potty, but at least i know he's knows something. I do feel bad for him, but doing some of these transitions now will be easier than when Ellie arrives.

Elliana~well I am 31 weeks and thanks to Barb, had a wonderful ultrasound last night!!! Ellie is measuring perfectly at 31 weeks, and about 4lbs. so far I think she looks like Gabby, but all my kids really look the same so that is no surprise. I passed my glucose test with flying colors, and that is one less thing to stress about. now i am working on stressing over  getting the 2 more car seats we need, and organizing the car to make sure all is well. I think come July I may start my bag packing, and then just wait to Little Miss Ellie to arrive!!! cant' wait!!

everything else is going great!!!

hello Blog it's been....looong...

Let me catch you up.....

Gabriella~ I can not believe my little baby girl is almost 5. I am not sure if it makes her feel older or me. Can I really be the parent of a 5 year old starting kindergarten in 3 months??? seriously I think thisis where parenting gets tricky. now comes the outside influences,and peer pressure, and oh my goodness....13 years of school!! It should be fun. I thank God everyday for such an amazing little girl though. She is so thoughtful of other people and their feelings. She really wants to help out as much as possible and does a great job being a big sister to Zach. She loves playing mommy with him, and tells me all the time. "mommy, your are pregnant just sit down and I will do everything". of course I don't' let her, but maybe someday I should take her up on her offer before she never asks again. Gabby loves to sing and dance, and to play with older kids since she almost never gets to do that. She is my intellectual girl. her favorite store at the mall is the Apple store and everyday asks for an IPad or I touch....ummmms orry honey that is not happening anytime soon!

Zachary~ who let my baby boy grow up??? seriously he is 19 months now and such a big boy!! He loves his big sister so much. She is usually the first thing he asks for as soon as he wakes up. The poor boy is going to have a really hard time once she goes to school. Gabby is his life. They play together all day and have such an amazing friendship. I just hope it lasts through the years. He also loves music of any kind. If he hears it, he is up and dancing. He's also all boy. He's the one that is going to keep me up at night when he's older. He is not afraid of much and loves to be daring. however he's still deathly afraid of pools and splash pads. He loves to run, he counts to 3 and says go and runs all over the house. It's fun! He finally started to sleep through the night at 18 months. I have to be honest though I miss getting up with him and cuddling on the couch in the middle of the night. I'm one of those weird mom's that love that. I know that once he stops he will probably never do it again, and I cherish every second with him and Gabby.

Elliana....YES!!! I guess I haven't' said this here....WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER GIRL!! her name will be Elliana Faith! So far so good. I am more than 25 weeks prego and all is well so far. i am measuring 2 weeks ahead but my midwife tells me that can just be because it's my 3rd child and my uterus might jsut be bigger than normal not the baby. Oh how I hope that is true. I really don't want to pass another 8lb 10oz baby again.

Nathan and I~ well we are doing great. Nathan has one more year of school left before he gets his Masters and he's working so hard at it. I am trying my hardest to be patient and know that soon he will be done and I will get my husband back. he really is amazing. he does so much for our family and always makes sure he has enough time for me and the kids. I am truly blessed.

Well i think that is a good update for now!! enjoy!

I am never sick...

Being sick is not something I am used to. I might get sick once everyother year or so So this sickness is kicking my butt. The clean freak in me (yes Mom it's there) is so tired and I don't want to do anything, however I can't just relax. (thanks Mom...that's your trait). I think also my husband has no idea what to do with a wife that might be the slightest bit needy. He's so used to me being the strong one, and the one that never complains. I just think if I keep this up I may end up old before I am old. Nathan also has a lot on his plate, his job just got twice as stressful since he took on a possition that requires 20 hours of his time a week, and he doesn't work any more than 40 hours. So he has to find time to make sure all his work is done, and now it's twice as much. Plus he is in the middle of getting his MBA. So Nathan comes home, eats, then goes straight to the computer to do homework. Then later he plays with the kids, but that means that I don't really get a break. My new "break time" is letting my kids take a bath together while I take a nice hot shower in the shower attached to the tub..(it's glass, and yes I keep an eye on them). so anyways, i am jsut complaining, I don't want a break, jsut maybe a maid, a cook, you know someone to do my household duties while I play with the kids....is that so much to ask.....lol!!!!!! I think so!!!!

Okay I am done complaining this sickness will end soon and I will feel better, so I will wait it out!

Gabby's School.....

So, finding Gabby a school is becoming so stressful for me. We really have four options. Here they are in no particular order.

Option #1 Sending her to the public school by our house. The only pro I see about sending her there is that it is very close. The cons are that the school does not have a very good rating. I have heard of teachers who get students from the laveen school district and they are a few years behide. I feel like we would be setting our child up to not fail in life if we did not send her to the best school we could find. The school I believe is getting better ever year, but I still dont' love it.

Option #2 Sending her to a traditional school near by our house. The major con with this idea is that even though I signed her up already we don't find out of she made it or not until May 1st. It's a nice good with great ratings,. I am not a fan of the hours, but it would work.

Option #3 Sending her to the same Ahwatukee school that cousin Kori goes to. The schools are great in ahwatukee and I love them, however driving her everyday at least 45 minutes each way with a newborn and a 2 year old might be VERY hard.

Option #4 Sending her to a Christian school that is half home school, half regular school......I personally love this idea. It's a drive, but I would only have to do it 3x's a week. The other 2 days are home schooled. Nathan does not think that I would have time to homeschool her, but I would have all day and I would be able to do it. The other probelm is it's abotu 3,000. I've already applied for one scholorship, and I believe there is one more I can sign up for, but there is no guarentee we would get any of them. NAthan and I can not pay for the school since we are on a strict Dave Ramsey plan of getting completely out of debt and we will also have to buy a mini van before the baby is born....

So these are our options....I have been praying over them and have found some release in looking towards all day kindergarten, but I have found out too that all day kindergarten may not be free next year. I am totally okay with that since I prefer that Gabby goes to half day kindergarten anyways.

So many people don't get that I prefer that Gabby go to half day kindergarten. But they are also probably the same people who don't understand why I don't like preschool either and find no need for it. I am not one of those Mom's who need a break from their kids. I became a Mom to be a Mom, just like I became a Wife to be a wife. I am in it 100%. Studies show that children who spend more time with there mom's at home and where mom's take care of their educational needs too actually do better off in school later on and in life. I take my job as a wife and a mom very seriously and I want to be as God wants be to be. I have nooooo problem with other people having a difference of opinion and taking there kids to all day kindergarten and preschool. I just wish no one gave me crap for not doing those things. Anyways...that was a tangent......

So now I ask if you could pray with me and help us find the right school for my little princess Gabriella...Thank you!!!

I know I am a name freak.....

Ever since I was little I would dream about what I would name my children. I love my childrens names and we put a lot of time and thought into their names.

Gabriella means "God gives me strength" I loved her name because it has so many nick name possiblities. Gabby, Ella, Bella, Bri, Briella...etc...She has settled on Gabby though. Her middle name is Christine, and guess what so is mine!!

Zachary means "God has remembered me" I loved it because it has such a strong nick name and it holds up well against our ultra feminine girl names. Zach's middle names are Estes after Estes Park in Colorado and Nathaniel after his Daddy....no Nathan's name is not NAthaniel, but Nathan felt weird giving him his "real" name...don't ask.....

So here we go again another baby another one to name. If it's a girl we are pretty sure of a couple names...

Eliana means "God Answered my prayers" (very appropriate)
or
Mikayla means "Gift of God" also good meaning!

There are a few others I like, but I am thinking we will go with one of those two

The others are...
Madelyn
Sophia
Alessandra

The middle name will be Faith, FaithAnn, or Amber...or amybe Christine again....

Boys are much harder......I like so many that are already used. Our #1 boy name before we had Zach was Ben, # 2 name was Luke but they too are another used names. I feel there is many more boys names that we can't use for one reason or another. I like a few names but Nathan does not like any yet....we will see

here is my boy list so far...

Josiah
Joshua
Elijah

That is all I can think of. My list is longer but consists of names already "used"

His middle name would be ?????????????????

What do you think???????????????

Tomorrow's appt.

I am actually pretty excited about tomorrows next OB/GYN appt. I don't think it will be anything major, and maybe after this appt I can start to feel better about this pregnancy. I think I keep waiting for something to happen. Since my ectopic pregnancy in August I've always been nervous about getting pregnant again. I know that everything is okay. Trust me my body is letting me know. I have been sick as a dog form sun up to sun set. It's weird, but if the sun is down I feel fine. I just want to go to the appt and see the little flicker of a perfect heartbeat and know that all is okay! Then again I know God will take care of everything and worrying will not do a bit of good. During my 4 week Ob visit my Dr told me to stop shaking because I was so nervous. She said there is nothing you can do to control any of it so just relax, and she is right.
    So tomorrow I will jsut be excited about my Dr's appt and excited that I am 8 weeks pregnant for the 3rd time!!!!! My Dad is convinced I am having twin girls.....I think Nathan might faint if we had twin girls.Also at my 6 week appt the ultrasound tech only found one gestational sac and one egg yoke........so I think it's only one.

Let them be little

One of my favoite country songs happends to be Billy Deans. Let them be little.....

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.

So let them be little,'Cause they're only that way for a while.Give 'em hope, give them praise,Give them love every day.Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,Let 'em sleep in the middle,Oh, but let them be little.

I never felt so much in one little tender touch.I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:

Please, let them be little,'Cause they're only that way for a while.Give them hope, give them praise,Give them love every day.Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,Let 'em sleep in the middle,Oh, but let them be little.

The so innocent, precious soul:You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.

So let them be little,'Cause they're only that way for a while.Give them hope, give 'em praise,Give them love every day.Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,Let them sleep in the middle,Oh, but let them be little.
Let them be little

I've always loved this song, but I love it more now as a mother of 2 kids and one more on the way. Kids grow up so fast and before we know it they are off to school. Once they start school you will forever slowly start to lose them. I know this is what is suppost to happen, but that does not make it any easier. Poeple wonder why I have never let any of my kids cry it out at night to train them to sleep better alone at night. It's because soon enough my kids will need me less and less. I enjoy my time with them in the middle of the night. when they are adults I will remember the nights of cuddles and laughter (zach like to get in my face and smile and giggle in the middle of the night). Gabby stopped waking up in the middle of the night at 2, and I loved my time with her. She already is very independant, and such an amazing little girl. No I never let her cry it out and I never plan to do it with any of my kids, and Gabby is just fine, sleeps through the night in her own bed, in her own room, and isvery happy. In a few months she will start school and grow up faster than I can imagine. So tonight when Zach wakes up at 2am again I will cuddle him and enjoy every second withhim because soon my nights with Zach will be over too, and he too will eventually sleep through the night, and need me just that much less. I do not expect anyone to understand how I love these times, and I know people may think I'm crazy, but I'm okay with that....becasue I am crazy, abotu my kids. Oh, and my husband.....I didn't forget abotu him. both my kids go to sleep intheir own beds around 7 or 8 and the rest of the night until I fall asleep is jsut for me and my hubby!